In my 26 years of existence, one of the most important lessons I’ve learned is that no one is a perfect victim, and no experience is ever truly one-sided. Yes, people hurt us, sometimes deeply, but more often than not, there’s also a part we played that we either failed to recognize or chose not to acknowledge.

We’re often so focused on painting ourselves as the wronged party that we overlook our own blind spots. Many of us crave a clean narrative, one with clear villains and spotless victims, but life rarely works that way. People change. Their values shift, their priorities evolve, and the way they treat you can change too. That doesn’t necessarily mean their past kindness or love was fake. Unless, of course, they’re a narcissist, a psychopath, or a sociopath.

What happens more often is that we get so caught up in telling our side, so focused on proving we were right, that we forget to step outside of ourselves. We forget to truly consider where the other person might have been coming from. We glaze over their pain, their growth, and their reasons. And in doing that, we skip over the uncomfortable but necessary part: holding ourselves accountable too.

Two stories can exist at the same time. You can be hurt and still have hurt someone else.

You can be right about how you feel and still be wrong about how you reacted. Sometimes, growth means making space for both truths—yours and theirs—to sit side by side, even when it’s hard.

Growth begins when we are brave enough to sit with the discomfort of our own imperfections and still choose to learn from them.